Tuesday, September 23, 2014

The useless thoughts

Whenever this thing starts ticking into my head, I am the only one who can stop it but at the same time I will be urging myself not to stop it and so it goes on until I hit the button to stop. Oh, sorry! I forgot to mention what this unstoppable thing is. It’s nothing but the thought of that girl which is been spread in my head like a virus and it can't stop until its dead. I know everything in this world starts with an idea and I am the one who will be responsible for the generation, creation of the idea in my head so technically it totally depends on me that I should work out that idea or to just keep it my head as a thought for my whole damn life! (That’s what I usually prefer)
I have already shared my past with you and you must have noticed that I’ve been through this thought process several times. But at present condition when I look back and think about it, it seems totally natural that I digested my earlier failures because I was not completely aware of what I was going through or maybe I was not in any mood to take responsibility of any person other than me. But at this stage I am more matured than before. And the things which I avoided earlier are now hard, very hard to avoid and it’s the time where I need to see the whole picture and maximize the perception. Nobody can runaway… I wasted my precious time in waiting for the perfect moment and here I am standing with handful of nothing… Sometimes I feel like my life is so empty and I am trying to fill it up with my memories. They say that we cannot go through the same time again and again although it’s true but we can go through the same situation many times, in my sense this happens because somewhere in that past we skip something which comes around once again…
Sometimes I think that, maybe I’ve enjoyed my loneliness so much that I can’t see that it’s not good for me at all. Here comes a great dilemma of what is the right choice. I’ve been struggling this thing for many years and my search is still going on. I can’t find the peace in my mind it always runs like a railway engine; actually it’s not the problem that it races like engine but it is about the direction, my mind has no direction for example this text I am typing is completely useless but yet it is coming out of my mind.
When I look at the past, sometimes I think that… sagla kahi jhalaasta jar mi thoda dhir dharla asta, thodi himmat dakhavali asti,etc. but the thing is I am now far away from that girl and she doesn’t even know that there was a guy who thought about her restlessly… the thought of not letting her know about my feelings (for her) will haunt me for my life. I will always remember her as if she was a dream of life…
Now I am completely changed. I have many things to do… I have many things to enjoy and I have got many friends to share the joy… I will dream on… I will live on.

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